


Pedestals

by GlynnisGriffiths



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 00:12:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11520453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlynnisGriffiths/pseuds/GlynnisGriffiths
Summary: [UnknowableRoom Fic Exchange '08] James and Lily compare imperfections, and find out that they're not so different after all.





	Pedestals

James appeared in the dingy kitchen with a quiet _pop_. He shuffled over to the table and sank into a chair. He sat quietly, shoulders slumped, reveling in the pre-dawn silence, too thoroughly exhausted to pull himself up for the short walk to his bed.

He was completely knackered, but couldn't fathom sleep. He kept replaying the incidents of the evening in his head, over and over again. It wasn't the spells flying so close that they ruffled his hair and made the metal frames of his glasses zing with the proximate magic that disturbed him; it wasn't even watching Gideon and Marlene duck and parry as beams of light came entirely to close for comfort. That was all part of the job description—all part of the rush, really. It wasn't part of the rush when one of their anonymous opponents lost his hood. And it wasn't part of the rush at all when that person turned out to be, not a demon or a monster, but a boy with whom he'd played shunt-bumps in his mother's garden. James had looked into the face of evil and seen a boy he'd grown up with staring back at him.

Bertram Rigby had been a friend of convenience and proximity more than anything, but thanks to their parents' acquaintance and their neighboring estates in Oxfordshire, he and James had been thick as thieves growing up. Bertram was a year older, and after he'd gone to Hogwarts, the boys had drifted apart, leading their own lives in their own houses and circle of friends. Still, Bertram had been a Ravenclaw Beater, and when James had joined the Gryffindor team as Chaser, they kept up a good-natured rivalry on the pitch, and no one had laughed louder or longer than Betram when the Marauders had played a particularly good prank.

Seeing Bertram Rigby there, firing deadly shots of green light at Marlene with abandon, James had frozen. It was an arresting sight. Had Gideon not deflected a well-aimed Stunner, he might not even be sitting here to think about it. As children they'd competed over toys, Quidditch, marks, and girls, but this sort of competition was something else entirely; it was fierce and it was fatal. Only one was meant to win, and the loser _wouldn't_ walk away.

At the sounds of movement in the hallway, James stirred and looked over his shoulder to find his girlfriend framed in the doorway, observing him with concerned eyes.

"Hey, Lils," he greeted her, rubbing his hands over his eyes, trying in vain to rouse himself. He toed one of the other chairs out from the table in her direction. She took it. "What are you doing here?"

"I came by after my shift," she answered as she tucked her legs underneath her and settled onto the chair. "I figured I'd wait for you to get back, but—" she punctuated this with a yawn—"I fell asleep." She smiled ruefully. "How long have you been back?"

"Just a few minutes. I just got in."

Lily stared at him for a moment before speaking. "You look done in. Why don't you come to bed?"

James shook his head, propping his elbows on the scrubbed-wood surface and resting his head in his hands.

"Not tired then?" Lily asked lightly, although it sounded as if she knew better.

"No, you're right. I'm knackered," James mumbled to the table. "I just can't sleep."

Lily pursed her lips, holding back the obvious question, and waited. After a long moment, James spoke, but it wasn't to tell her why he couldn't sleep.

"Lils, why am I so lucky? I mean, what did I do to deserve all this?" He sat up suddenly, and gestured vaguely at the kitchen around them.

Lily regarded the scuffed floor and the sink piled high with dirty dishes with a wry smile. "Well, I'd say you and Sirius did a piss-poor job of housekeeping, and now you're reaping the rewards," she joked.

The corner of James' mouth twitched upward.

"No, I mean this life. What did I do to deserve this place that I share with my best mate, who's more like a brother? What did I do to deserve the best mates I could ever imagine? What did I do to deserve the girl of my dreams waiting for me when I get home from a long shift?" He looked at her imploringly. "I've been an egotistical prat, an arrogant toe-rag...more names than I can even remember. Every single one that you ever called me was true. You know that. You're far too good for me. How did I get here?"

He was agitated, raking his hands through his already messy hair, and Lily reached out and grabbed his hands in her own to still them for a moment.

"James, where is this coming from? Why don't you think you deserve your life? You're a wonderful friend; I know less loyal Hufflepuffs. And you're a wonderful boyfriend, too. I couldn't ask for better."

"But all those things I did—those people I bullied—" He seemed at a loss to finish the thought, and the words hung between them. In the intervening space of time, Lily could hear the echoes of taunts: _Snivellus_... _More the fact that he exists, really..._

"You grew up, James." She said it quietly, but firmly, silencing the echoes. He looked up, his eyes pleading with her. "You asked how you got here. You grew up. You changed. You're not that boy anymore."

"But it didn't have to be that way." When he met her eyes, Lily could see naked desperation in them, but she still wasn't sure what he needed from her. "Tonight—Lily, tonight I saw—"

The story came in fits and spurts, stilted more often than not. How a boy he'd known as a child had turned into something he couldn't imagine. How they'd played together, how their families had known one another, how there'd never been a hint of darkness in Bertram Rigby's past. How they'd been so alike as boys.

Finally, after countless pauses, James ran out of words and fell back into silence. With his head bowed, he looked as though he were waiting for absolution from a priest.

"James," Lily began, "are you upset because of what he's become? Or because of what you might have become?"

His head shot up, the truth etched in his expression.

"Both, I guess."

She nodded. The realization was important, and they both let it sink in.

After several minutes, Lily broke the silence and changed the subject.

"And what's this rubbish about me being too good foryou?"

James actually scoffed a bit. "Prefect, Head Girl, Professors' favourite." He ticked off his fingers.

Lily raised her eyebrows and retorted, "Quidditch Captain, Head Boy, _everyone's_ favourite..."

James smiled. "But that's just being popular. Not like you—you were always kind, always had time for anyone with a problem. And they all felt comfortable coming to you, which is even more impressive. Everyone loved you, Lily, because you're so _good_."

"You're making my head swell a bit, you know," Lily smiled.

"Ah well, you've got a lot of hair to hide it—a bit of swelling can't hurt."

"And anyway, I'm far from perfect, you know. Sure I try to help people when they need it, but when they mess up I'm as tough as McGonagall."

"Too true," James muttered, remembering being on the end of that glare and that wand.

"I've got an awful temper...Remember that time Sirius pinched my Arithmancy book?"

"And you bewitched it to follow him round, whacking him over the head?" James grinned at the memory. "Yeah, that was bloody brilliant."

"And I'm terribly picky about my study habits. Things have to be just so."

"Oh Merlin!" James groaned. "I thought I was going to murder you during N.E.W.T.s, what with your symmetrical stacks of books and your Silencing Charms."

"More likely, I'd have murdered you. I know you kept moving my Charms book to the Potions stack, you know." She glared at him. James held up his hands in surrender.

"I confess, but it was for your own good. No one should be that organized when they study." 

"And Merlin knows I do plenty of things that are socially unacceptable...just ask Petunia!" Lily continued, talking over him. This actually got James to laugh.

"Lils, if you're resorting to Petunia to provide your faults, I think we've exhausted them."

She grinned a little. "Just admit it James; your girlfriend is a freak, just like Petunia always said."

"Well, now that you mention it..." He trailed off pointedly and Lily smacked him on the arm. "Ow! I mean, you just have a few eccentricities."

"But seriously," she continued, "don't you think it's about time you let me hop off this pedestal you've had me on? I clearly don't belong up there."

"Oh, no? Where do you belong, then?"

Lily scooted her chair closer to him.

"Down here, with you. Flawed as we both are."

James looked at her and smiled softly at the companionship she offered in the statement—and which she'd proved with their banter.

"I suppose it's okay to be flawed, then," he said.

"I think so," Lily nodded. "After all, when I'm not up on a pedestal, it's ever so much easier to do this."

And she leaned in and kissed him.

James knew he didn't deserve it, but he was probably the luckiest bloke in the world.

 -End-


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